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| Directed By: |
| Chris Miller Raman Hui |
| Starring: |
| Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, Cameron Diaz, Antonio Banderas |
Shrek (2001) meets Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (2003).
Desperate to ditch his resposibilities, a lazy expecting father, Shrek (Mike Myers) recruits a couple of buddies to help him find his estranged cousin Artie (Justin Timberlake) who he hopes will take over the family business for him. Meanwhile, jilted, emotionally unstable ex-boyfriend, Prince Charming (Rupert Everett) breaks into Shrek's home, taking his lonely, pegnant wife Fiona (Cameron Diaz), her mother, and Fiona's divorce peer group hostage. Now, Fiona and the girls must put aside their petty squabbling and fight for their God-given independence from male oppression, gender bias, and materialism. Well, maybe not materialism. That would make too much sense.
Songbird Snow White approaches a couple of castle guards, inconspicuously gathering a motley assortment of woodland creatures around her as she gently pirouettes towards them. Once the guards are distracted, she erupts into Led Zeppelin's "Immigrant Song", sending her animal friends into a battle-frenzy.
There's an actual bra burning. Funny? Not really.
I wonder if SNL veteran Mike Myers ever thought his one-note Scots accent would one day become box-office gold through a disgusting, self-absorbed, computer-generated ogre? Or if Cameron Diaz knew she'd be reduced to voiceovers for a living because she would be too hideous to be looked upon by human eyes? Or if Antonio Banderas imagined that he would one day vocalize a swashbuckling pussy?
As the name suggests, DreamWorks' Shrek the Third officially ushers the popular franchise into the "trilogy" catagory—though it's unlikely to stop here. Whenever this happens, unecessary sensationalism, cartoonish character development, overindulgent product merchandizing, and a general redundence decend like the biblical Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. (see: Spiderman 3, The Matrix Revolutions, Star Wars: Episode III). Unfotunately, Shrek 3 is no exeption, reinforcing my belief that the budget for any sequel should be funded souly with the net profit of its pedessosor. This paragraph has been brought to you by TAG Body Spray. TAG, because nothing's more sexually alluring than a man who smells like he fell into a vat of Febreze.
Summarily, three or four laugh-out-loud moments aren't enough to make this Shrek the fairest of them all. For every occasion of fun and excitement there's an equal occasion for terrible acting, bland dialog, or recycled gags. Comedic highlights include: Pinocchio's truth-reversing confession, a journey through the Gingerbread Man's life as it flashes before his eyes, and narcoleptic Sleeping Beauty tripping up guards with her fallen body. I guess sarcastic medieval teenagers mimicking modern-day high school convention is somewhat amusing, but I've already seen the Goofy Movie, so it really isn't that funny.
For those looking for fresh character development, Shrek 3 doesn't offer anything new. It indirectly neglects most of its headliners with bad expecting father clichés, medieval feminism, obsessive thespianism, and an overindulgent game of find the fairytale cameo. Disney Princesses wallowing in pretension and vanity, bizarre interspecies progeny, fairytale characters taking on Dr. Phil approved self-victimization personalities, why bother? I really don't care what happens to Shrek or Princess Fiona at this point. I could've stayed home, slapped in Clash of the Titans and saved myself ten bucks.
Shrek has never been an interesting or funny character. People go to see the annoying Donkey and the cute kitty-face of Puss In Boots. I guess what I'm trying to say is this—Shrek 3 has too many boobs, not enough ass, and hardly any pussy; a little nudity wouldn't have hurt either. Other than to sell an ass-load of shoddy overpriced toys, Shrek the Third doesn't exactly justify its existence.
Some guy in an audience takes a non-fatal arrow to the shoulder. A couple of actors in oversized Shrek costumes are accidentally slashed with a sword.
Ogres aren't very pretty naked. I guess that's why we don't see any in this movie.
Coming Soon!!!